What is this country I am living in?

India. Hind. Bharat. No matter what names by which I call it, I am close to feeling utterly shamed by the country I am living in. Every day I see the paper, this feeling sinks in deeper. We are a bunch of irresponsible citizens(if we can still ourselves that). We do not respect our women, we do not respect our guests who visit our country, we do not respect anyone.

Last year of the total tourists who visited India, 40% were women and I am sure that most carry sad impressions about us. It is apparent from the numerous blogs which talk about horrific incidents happening to them. It is just a matter of time we will be blacklisted as a tourist destination. Already many countries are issuing advisory notices to tourists asking them to reconsider.

How did we land up in this situation? From a country that put women on the pedestal to the current one where women are treated as commodities. Often I am encountered with an argument that the seed to this behaviour is rooted in our culture-the way Ram had treated Sita with suspicion and the way Yudhistir gambled away Draupadi. Why don't these people give Maitrayee as an example? Maitrayee had worn the sacred thread equally as Yagnavalkya and defeated him black and blue in a debate of reason. Yagnavalkya had conceded defeat with humility and accepted her as a superior.

While accepting that doesn't give him a higher stand, it is true that men and women possessed equal stature in the vedic times. Cut to the present, quacks and chauvinisitic pigs(irrespective of their religion) are saying men and women are not created equal. How cruel?

It disgusts me to read such crap from people of a spiritually progressive nation.

How can we redeem ourselves? Is there still a chance? A realist in me may speak differently but it's time to be a tad optimistic. Without hope, we are a zilch. Right?

Here is a 5 pointer.

1. Be Intolerant- don't tolerate nonsense happening in your presence. Be aware of your surroundings. If you see someone trying to fool around with a woman, just step into action. Carry a whistle with you. Call for help if you are physically outnumbered. If you shut your senses today, tomorrow it can be you who will be facing the music.

2. Be Sensitive- Pay attention to the needs of women around you. They may be signalling at something. Stand up and protect them. Surround them as a shield from untoward advances of sick elements.

3. Learn a martial art- It is paramount in these times to learn a combat martial art. Not just a defensive one but an offensive skill. Learn to tackle an aggressive group.

4. Teach your kids- Teach them how women are a equal species and may be a little superior too for that matter. Teach them how we are raised as competent men because of our mothers, sisters, girl friends and wives. Teach them to respect them. They don't need us to put them on a pedestal. Just treat them right. That's all they ask.

5. Raise your voice- Choose a platform of your choice, it can be a blog, a Morcha, a public talk, a discussion with your friends, with your peers- can be anything. You can influence people towards the change you want to see.

And with implementing these pointers, a day may dawn when our kids will hopefully will not ask this question- What is this country I am living in?

Reflections of a spotted mind

There are so many things to write about today to the extent that the mind is actually cluttered.

Like the shameless attitude of our country's leaders who think they can get away with anything, the FINALLY awakened (or in the progress) junta whose voice may be heard or may get lost in the sea of new 'information' or in the revelry of a new year; or my saving grace of a month in my 9 month old struggle to impart (Read- Sell) Business Intelligence software to hungry organizations; or my new found joy of playing with my almost 2 year old son who constantly amazes me; to a reflective attitude I am carrying these days(wearing it on my sleeve and brow); or my seemingly insatiable hunger for more things to read and movies; or my exciting upcoming short trip to a country which long held my respect for the way it conducts itself, The US of A;

Too many things clog this mind. Picking one of these will be a gross injustice to the rest. So, i will pick something that is not out of this-a fleeting thought in the wee hours of a lazy first day of the new year.

What if one day in the near foreseeable future, like say on the 12th of May 2013 (a random date..) God decides(okay, you seething atheists-we are having a supposition here, you can relax now) that enough is enough and gets a high chair like the one Lincoln sits on in Washington DC and stays in the middle of the population.
Which place has his need most now? Yeah in Afghanistan.. Or Palestine may be. Place is not important, I will make him move around the world..

But just think, how would it change things? No courts, no ruling class, nothing. Everything is dissolved by him.
Justice is swift and automatic. No appeals- entry to anywhere near where he is sitting for petty issues is automatically restricted.
He will not listen to your constant complaints about your life. No way.. Sorry, get on with your life. Got better things to resolve. What he is actually here for is to bring some order into this chaotic thing we call human existence and balance things a bit. Take a few million jack asses out of the equation, bring a million better human beings into this planet, you know shift things a bit- get some saplings to quickly grow into wilderness like in the Earth Song, bring some peace into this forsaken big blue ball.

War? You kidding? All your nuclear arsenal has disappeared into him. No border disputes. Just stay put. Anyone tries to encroach, they vanish. Anyone 'tries' to commit a crime, they vanish. Just poof. He will allow them time to reflect in a place that has no walls, no light, no food, no drink, no air.. They just vanish, man.. How do you care.

He just sits there watching over. Does nothing. Doesn't speak, laugh, cry, do anything. Just be there.

How do you think it changes everything?

You know, may be we should pass these kind of rumours than that mayan bull crap. That kind of thing does no good.

This thing, if you pass it for years and gets INTO the system of people around the world, that itself will make a difference.

Leave the part of convincing him to come down to me. Can get that done.

Carry on the task good fellas.. Time is short and He is coming.. :-)

Make-Shift Weddings

I have seen many weddings in my last so-many years of my existence.

As far as I can remember, the first wedding I can remember is my aunt's way back in the 80's.

There were minimal stuff with regards to photography, videography- the most advance thing that i could remember(by seeing the videos ofcourse) is a kaleidoscopic view that the videographer tried and exploited that one forever..

Cut to the present.

I thought I was the one who was getting creative reative with photography.. I did not know my style was called 'candid photography' until I read that somewhere. I always hated those photographers who asked the couple to pose. I mean, wouldn't it look awkward when anyway you are doing so much work with all those rituals happening?

"Sir, Sir.. Just hold that right there.. Don't tie that mangal sutra just yet.. Look here! amma, you also.. Please.. "

As if that's not enough, people around you also get creative and ask you to blow colored balls into each other's faces..

Super!

All this I saw.. But I wasn't prepared for what hit me. I saw a video(proudly displayed by a wedding photographer/video man. It was an actual Event! The guy and girl dancing to choreographed dance sequences.. And the actual marriage was a side dish.

Whoa, i thought the whole marriage thing was supposed to be something real..

Okay I won't preach.. May be that's where we are heading and I got to reconcile with the fact.

But I will any day prefer a simple ceremony for my daughter/son where people actually mean what they say and do- coz that's what matters and more importantly that's what I did. :-)

Communication in a cluttered world

Let's face it. We love our own voice than anything else in the world. And it constitutes about 30% of what we communicate. Funnily the rest is non-verbal.(that's for another day)

And our love for the sound of our voice is so much that we kind of abuse it. Even more funnily that's what screws up the whole process of communication.

Contrary to this, I have always observed that listening is the most important component of that 30%. Just by listening we can communicate more. We show that we value the one opposite to us. We value his/her opinion, belief systems and so on. And thereby we win the confidence. And when we speak, only that 30%, we deliver more and will be received more. That's when it becomes a whole.

So, just don't talk. Communicate.

The Masks

Dale Carnegie and Stephen Covey.

What do you think is the difference between works of these individuals?

At the risk of oversimplification, the former talked about Personality and the latter talked about Character.

My Dad says we wear many masks in our daily life. While our attitude is to be subservient with our boss, we quickly change to be authoritative with the guys who report to us and is anywhere between nonchalant, and cordial and competitive with our peers.

Whether it is to conform to the social norms or be accepted within the circles we have or to get ahead in life, I think we lose touch with our real selves.

This weekend, why not sit down quietly for a few hours with a pen and paper and write a few things down - just to take a long hard look at ourselves? I will be doing it.

Answer a few questions..

1. What beliefs I strongly hold within me that I refuse to be budged from? Identify at least 20. From profound to absolute silly (I can only do this much, women are too emotional, i just can't save/invest, Karan Johar is a gay, work-life balance is a myth....)

2. What makes me hold these? Is it my experiences, if so what are they-if they are influenced by someone else, who is it?

3. What can make me change my mind? Can I explore shining examples to prove me wrong?

4. What are the circles I have and who populates them? How do I behave with people in my circles? What needs to change and why?

And any other reflective questions you may have.

Trust me, you will be surprised with your own answers..

Simple Pleasures

Is life lived in years?

As we grow older one day after the next, some parts of our memories are just eroding away bit by bit. This need not be medically proven although it may have been but don't we feel that? We are living each day half dead anyway. Otherwise how can I explain a full day gone past me and I cannot remember a major part of it?

The situation gets even more hilarious post a certain age and senility starts showing in our behavior. I can safely keep the threshold at 35 if not less for our generation. We hardly remember names, faces or conversations, movies, or just about anything.

Given this premise, now tell me is life lived in years? Who has got them?

Moments is all we have.

A drive in the most horrible traffic, a smile from the one you love, jumping off a cliff (with a bungy cord of course),a beer with a friend on a karaoke night, frustration and fear of not being able to make your sales quota, and a glimmer of hope of things otherwise, a beautiful piece of music or a drive in the mountains.

Make each one count.

I Am Brand?

There was a friend of mine who once said to me- Let me manage your personal brand.

Now, I wondered and asked him in complete honesty; "What? How do you do that?"

So, here is how it goes,

1. You will have Auto-Bots (read paid management interns) maintaining your social image on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook(hell, am gonna allow that!)
2. Enter the PR. Get invited to some random conferences as a guest speaker, mumble some shit and get rave reviews(courtesy Auto-Bots, again) 

And much more creative stuff..

All in all, get a virtual plastic surgery done.

I came back home and looked me in the mirror. And I felt, what have we become?

Why do we need to doctor our image? And as a matter of fact, we all do.
We think of politically correct way to put across things to be safe and not seem rebellious. Scorn at people who speak their mind.

And to think we are just one person inside. Ha.. We are a potpourri.

But at some point this will stop (for most of us). We grow tired of having so many people inside us. And that real person comes out. Sometimes great, sometimes ugly. But all the same, Real.

No wonder Adidas says- I am What I am. Or is it Reebok? Whichever Brand. :)